Barb Starr, Donor Mom

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In honor of David Charles Starr

On January 25, 1991, my life and the lives of all our family were devastated with a parent’s worst nightmare. My son, David Charles Starr, was the third of four sons who were very close. He had been an accomplished drummer, and played in the Concert Band, Pep Band and Marching Band at Truman High School in Independence, Missouri. He was elected to the Student Council at Truman High School, (heading the “Student and Community Affairs committee). In this role, he was responsible for the Blood Drive and the Christmas Food Drive. He was a great soccer player, and a yell leader for football and basketball. He had a wonderful sense of humor, and gave so much love and laughter during his life! At the age of 19, he was attending the Missouri University on a Bright Flight Scholarship to study engineering. On the way to the college bookstore to get a book for one of his classes his car was struck “broadside”. David received a severe head injury. We were with him at the hospital for 24 hours, praying for him, loving him, talking to him and trying to make him live, but the next day it was determined that he was brain dead.

We knew there was nothing else we could ever do for David, but decided to let him become an organ and tissue donor to prevent some other family from going through the agony that we were experiencing.

Most of his organs were damaged by the accident but his heart was in good condition, and it went to a man in Utah who was the father of four children, ranging in age from 10 to 20 years old. He was extremely ill, and near death, but since his transplant, he has been able to see all four of his children reach adulthood, and has grandchildren he never would have seen. In a letter we received from him and his wife, they expressed their gratitude for having his life spared, and then signed it “Love from all of our hearts and David’s heart”. (What a wonderful gift to us to have David’s heart sending love home). His eyes gave sight to two people and his tissues helped as many as fifty people.

In 1996, I heard that there were “Transplant Games” taking place in Salt Lake City, the next weekend, so I drove there to see what it was all about. I was overwhelmed by the full lives that so many recipients were experiencing. They were sharing with their families, their teams, and expressing gratitude to donor families they met (even though it wasn’t their donor). I have attended every Transplant Games since then, and am looking forward to once again returning to Salt Lake City and my heart has been blessed each time.

Five years after he died, David’s brother, Kit, attended the Transplant Games with me, in Columbus, Ohio. He was equally impressed, and touched and Kit thought to himself that if the opportunity ever arose, he would gladly donate one of his kidneys. That opportunity came in 2003 when one of the MO-KAN team members rejected his donor kidney. Scott had earned 5 medals at the previous Games. When Kit learned that Scott was having great difficulties and once again on dialysis, he said “Oh, I can give him one of mine”. Kit was tested two days later and was a match. So he became a Living Donor. Scott subsequently had to have another transplant, but is doing well and he and his wife Holly are the parents of two daughters, and a son, and Scott owns his own business.

Kit’s motivation came as a result of our experience with David’s death. He said “If David had been dying because he needed an organ transplant, instead of the fact that he was in a car accident, and someone gave him that chance, just think how different our lives would have been”. He added, “Maybe I can keep another family from going through the loss and pain of grief that we have gone through”.

David’s life blessed many when he was alive and continued to bless people even after his death. We, as well, have been given gifts and blessings since his death. Being a donor family has enriched our lives immeasurably. We think of him every day, and love and miss him very much.